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Horse Jokes

#1 · September 24, 2024, 8:39 PM

A miniature race horse walks into a bar...

Sees there is a contest, make the Bartender laugh and win $500.

Asks one of the regular's, put me up on the bar who obliges him. Then calls the Bartender over and whispers in his ear...

The Bartender busts out laughing hysterically, puts $500 in the lil' horse's saddlebag, and the tiny guy bolts down a double and moseys out of the bar.

A week later, same bar, new contest, $500 bucks to make the Bartender cry...

Strolling in, same miniature race horse, and he asks where is the Bartender, and the regulars point to the back office door...the lil' horse strolls in, 20 seconds later comes out with another $500 stuffed in his saddlebag and moseys out.

The bar's regulars are just too curious and ask the Bartender, what happened!...

The Bartender said, first time the lil' horse came in and told me his manhood was bigger than mine, just now, he showed me.

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#2 · September 25, 2024, 5:29 PM

A pony walks into a bar and coughs,

"Hey, COUGH. Gimme a COUGH a beer COUGH.

The bartender serves him and says, "What's with your voice?"

The pony says, "Nothing, I'm just a little hoarse."

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#3 · September 25, 2024, 6:34 PM

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#4 · September 26, 2024, 5:51 PM

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#5 · September 26, 2024, 7:04 PM

Quote from Lonnie on September 26, 2024, 7:04 PM
Today's yucks:

A horse walks into a bar. The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but can’t make him drink.

I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 – and it did! Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30.

A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks: “Why the long face?”

I put a bet on a horse that had excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.

A horse walks into a bar. “Hey,” says the barman. “Yes please,” says the horse.

What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? Sherbet.

Have you heard the one about the runaway horse? It’s a terrible tale of WHOA!

What’s black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.

Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey? In case he takes offence.

Some racehorses are staying in a stable.

One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won eight of them!”

Another horse breaks in: “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!”

“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!” says another.

At this point, the horses notice a greyhound, who has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”

The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog!”

A jockey is walking down the road leading a racehorse when he bumps into a friend. “What are you planning to do with that nag?” the man asks. “Race it,” replies the jockey, surprised. “Well, by the look of it,” the man says, “You’ll win!”

How can you tell a police horse from a normal horse? The police horse goes “Neigh-naw-neigh-naw-neigh-naw”.

Why did the man stand behind the horse? He was hoping to get a kick out of it

What sort of horses come out after dark? Nightmares

When does a horse talk? Whinny wants to!

What disease are horses most scared of getting? Hay fever

What kind of bread does a horse eat? Thoroughbred

Today's yucks:

A horse walks into a bar. The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but can’t make him drink.
I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 – and it did! Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30.
A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks: “Why the long face?”
I put a bet on a horse that had excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.
A horse walks into a bar. “Hey,” says the barman. “Yes please,” says the horse.
What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? Sherbet.
Have you heard the one about the runaway horse? It’s a terrible tale of WHOA!
What’s black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.
Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey? In case he takes offence.
Some racehorses are staying in a stable.

One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won eight of them!”

Another horse breaks in: “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!”

“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!” says another.

At this point, the horses notice a greyhound, who has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”

The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog!”

A jockey is walking down the road leading a racehorse when he bumps into a friend. “What are you planning to do with that nag?” the man asks. “Race it,” replies the jockey, surprised. “Well, by the look of it,” the man says, “You’ll win!”
How can you tell a police horse from a normal horse? The police horse goes “Neigh-naw-neigh-naw-neigh-naw”.
Why did the man stand behind the horse? He was hoping to get a kick out of it
What sort of horses come out after dark? Nightmares
When does a horse talk? Whinny wants to!
What disease are horses most scared of getting? Hay fever
What kind of bread does a horse eat? Thoroughbred

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#6 · September 26, 2024, 9:17 PM

Tip your waitresses. He's here all week.

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#7 · September 26, 2024, 11:15 PM

Quote from Purple Aura on September 26, 2024, 9:17 PM

Tip your wa~~itre~~sses. He's here all week.

I think if you try a little less hard, you're gonna nail it very soon.

I fixed it for ya this time! 🙂

#8 · September 29, 2024, 10:41 AM

A wealthy racehorse owner gets very attached to his champion horse. It has a very successful racing career and is then retired to stud duties, where it is again very successful. Earning a fortune in stud duties. Sadly one day the champion dies and the owner decides to give it a proper burial. He approaches the local Anglican minister who tells him that he is only interested in saving human souls. He then approaches the Catholic priest who tells him the same thing. As a last resort he asks a Rabbi who gives him the same sermon. As he is about to leave he says that he was going to donate $100,000 to the Synagogue. Hold on, says the Rabbi, you never told me it was a Jewish horse.

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#9 · September 29, 2024, 10:51 AM

Quote from Lonnie on September 29, 2024, 10:41 AM

A wealthy racehorse owner gets very attached to his champion horse. It has a very successful racing career and is then retired to stud duties, where it is again very successful. Earning a fortune in stud duties. Sadly one day the champion dies and the owner decides to give it a proper burial. He approaches the local Anglican minister who tells him that he is only interested in saving human souls. He then approaches the Catholic priest who tells him the same thing. As a last resort he asks a Rabbi who gives him the same sermon. As he is about to leave he says that he was going to donate $100,000 to the Synagogue. Hold on, says the Rabbi, you never told me it was a Jewish horse.

I loved that horse, Shmekkie Lobell. RIP Shmekkle! 🙂

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#10 · September 30, 2024, 9:06 PM

I told AMac about the CAD $3025 baseball cap on his website 16 days ago, he acknowledged they'll look into it. Yet it remains lol!

https://allstarcresting.ca/the_stableca_apparel/shop/product-detail/1008018

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